Can't Wait to "Wrap Up" the Holiday Season? This one's for you.
If the holidays aren't your favorite time of year, or maybe just feel particularly difficult this year... you're in the right place.
This is not your typical “There are six days ‘til Christmas” newsletter.
Nope.
I’m definitely not here to tell you where to find the best last-minute deals, give you holiday meal ideas for all special diets (such as mouth-watering Brussels), or share unique gifts for that harder-than-hard person to shop for.
Instead, I’m here for you today if you’ve had enough of the holidays and can’t wait for the season to end.
(My apologies to those of you who love Christmas. I’m actually not anti-holiday.)
That is not the case.
In fact, for most of my life, I’ve loved the holidays.
But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that the season often feels more bittersweet than sweet.
In fact… the holiday season can be really hard.
To this, you might tell me, “Well, that’s an understatement.”
For some, this time of year can even feel more like a season of torture than joy.
Some might say, “Now you’re being dramatic.”
Others might be too tired to say anything but nod in agreement with a tear running down their cheeks.
There are a million reasons the holidays can be challenging.
Financial stress.
The pressure to socialize.
Changes in routine.
Loneliness.
Family Dynamics.
💔 Missing loved ones who are no longer with us. 💔
Plus, other reasons that are personal to each of us.
In a nutshell,
The Holidays.
Are.
A. Freaking. Lot.
The first time I realized this was around 1997. It was early Christmas Eve morning, and my husband and I were cleaning our house and preparing to host my family that night.
The phone rang.
It wasn’t even seven. Who was calling so early? I started to get nervous.
Caller ID showed it was my sister, who wasn’t an early riser.
A knot formed in my stomach. I knew this wasn’t going to be good news.
My sister told me that our mom had trouble during the night. She had passed out in the bathroom. Our dad had to give her CPR. She was stable but was being taken to the hospital in Milwaukee.
Everything stopped.
I started to sweat and could hear my heartbeat. Just like in the movies, things started happening in slow motion. I tried to hear my sister over my heartbeat, which was drowning everything out.
When she paused briefly, I asked, “Should we still get the house ready to host?”
The absurdity of the question hit me as soon as I said it.
My sister replied, “Abbey. Mom is on her way to the hospital. It’s her heart. You need to go there.”
BAM. The whirring and slow motion stopped.
I snapped into action mode. We had to get to the hospital.
Fast forward six hours later. My family is at the hospital. We’re waiting for news.
Since it’s Christmas Eve, the waiting room area is quiet. Our family has taken over a corner of the room.
There is a glass-enclosed room nearby where another family is gathered. They look just like us. I see them talking, but they’re just trying to kill time. They, too, are waiting, hoping, and praying for the best.
A doctor, not my mom’s, comes out and goes to the room. The door is closed. The doctor is talking to the family. Their eyes are begging for a miracle.
Now, the doctor has stopped talking, and it appears time has stopped. He gently touches the shoulder of one of the adult kids, who is breaking down. They all start to cry. The doctor slowly walks away.
A family crumbles in front of my eyes.
Before I have time to digest what has happened, our doctor—who happens to be my brother-in-law—approaches us. I look at his face for clues, terrified we’ll get the same news as the family next door.
“She’s going to be okay.”
(Cue choir of angels.)
Two of my mom’s arteries had been blocked, so my brother-in-law cleaned things up and gave my mom the gift of life (and two brand-new stents) for Christmas.
She would soon be “good as new” thanks to Hero #1 (my dad and his CPR) and Hero #2 (my brother-in-law’s life-saving procedure).
We cheered. Hugged. Breathed a collective sigh of relief.
Our mom and our Christmas had been saved. The other family lost a loved one and lost Christmas.
I then understood why the holidays are not always the happiest time of the year.
Call it a tale of two waiting rooms.
One family celebrating, one family mourning.
One of life’s most brutal truths had been revealed to me in that hospital. In life-or-death situations, there are only two possible outcomes. We won that day, but another family lost. If you watch this reality play out in your life, trust me, you won’t forget it.
Fast forward to 2020.
My mom gracefully and peacefully passed on December 4, 2020. Describing her passing using words like gracefully and peacefully does not erase the sadness one feels when one loses their mom.
Her December passing, coupled with my dad’s passing in May of that year and the general hell of 2020… made me want to skip Christmas altogether.
I didn’t put up a tree. I even told my sister I’d never put up a tree again.
We couldn’t gather as a family (thanks, COVID), but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to acknowledge the day.
Yet, holiday reminders were all around, as were images of families gathering.
It. Was. A. Freaking. Lot.
Fast forward to today.
Having experienced loss around the holidays, I know this time of year can be hard. Please know that if you are struggling, I see you.
I put together today's special (non-holiday) newsletter to give you something positive to focus on. Consider it a non-holiday December gift from one pal to another.
It’s the “build a bear” of holiday newsletters that has nothing to do with the holidays. Instead, it’s a collection of good things to read, investigate, watch, consume, and buy. Things to keep your mind off the holidays.
This is also a reminder to take care of yourself and give yourself the TLC you need this month and every month after.
And one more thing…
🩵 Reach out to your people. You are never alone. 🩵
Hugs,
Abbey
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A SIMPLE LIST OF DISTRACTIONS AND FUN THINGS
Ten books to escape reality - a great selection if you like art, time travel, adventure, or romance. If that list doesn’t do it for you, try this one from The Everygirl, or this list with books to help you escape and cheer up.
Oprah’s list of movies to watch if you’re feeling down (❤️#20). Need more? Here are 93 additional flicks. (Watch #34 if you hate your job.) Finally, a fellow Susbtacker had the same idea in providing some un-holiday suggestions - here are some feel-good flicks from Michaella Parkes of the newsletter Structured Stream of Consciousness.