Your mom called ☎️. She wants you to read today's interview.
Actually, the mom who called is Joanne McHugh, and she's got an amazing newsletter where she shares sage advice for her daughters and other 20-somethings.
Hola Newsletter Family,
I’m greeting you as family because that’s what y’all feel like when I write these newsletters. I want to share inspo, fun facts, tips, and useless but fun info with you to help you live your life better.
Advice for life, if you will.
Speaking of advice, we all know that some of the best advice givers are moms. The only problem is, when moms share their wise wisdom throughout our lives, we’re not always the best advice-takers. (I’m talking to you, 12 y/old Abbey.)
We think we know better. We wonder, “How can our mom possibly understand?”
But, at some point in our lives, it hits us that our moms truly know their stuff. We then realize that advice from our moms is the best kind - because they know us~ inside and out ~ and deliver their advice thinking only of our best interests.
If you’ve still got your mom, please go thank her today for always wanting what’s best for you. And if you’re in that club nobody wants to be a part of, join me as I send a 😘 and heartfelt thanks to my mom in heaven.
And in keeping with motherly advice, I’ve got a special guest this week.
It’s time for another edition of Who I’d Rather Be Talking About… and this week, I’m happy to introduce Joanne McHugh, the creative force behind a newsletter called Things Your Mom Should Have Told You. Joanne uses her newsletter to help her daughters, their friends, and 20-somethings everywhere navigate adulthood.
Because as we know, adulting isn’t easy, and we can use all the help we can get.
Without further adieu, let’s meet Joanne and hear about the “Things Your Mom Should Have Told You.”
Can you start by taking us back to your early life?
I was born in Philly and have lived in its suburbs since I was 11. I went to Villanova, and when I was a sophomore there, I told a guy in my circle of friends from high school, “I think we should try dating.” That relationship turned into a 35-year-and-counting marriage with three kids.
Now let’s talk about your career & early adulthood, and how it led to what you’re doing now.
I had a really hard time figuring out what I wanted to be when I grew up. Originally, I thought I wanted to go to law school. After I scratched that idea, I realized that my plan B, becoming a CPA, wasn’t right either.
Once I recognized my gigs with the school newspaper indicated my true interests lie in creativity and writing, I ended up pursuing a career in marketing.
I eventually landed a job with the international division of a pharmaceutical company. I got to travel to a lot of really cool places, which was fantastic while we were DINKS. But by the time I was pregnant with my second, it wasn’t as much fun. So I quit my job to spend more time with my daughters.
Consulting gigs gave me a chance to use my strategic thinking skills on something other than our three kids’ activities schedules. I also worked for a time as a personal historian, ghostwriting memoirs for ordinary people.Currently, I work part-time as a market analyst for a publisher. I devote the other half of my work week to Things Your Mom Should Have Told You.
Tell us about “Things Your Mom Should Have Told You.”
When my oldest daughter was in college and my youngest was in high school, I started being haunted by a recurring dream of an overflowing suitcase stuffed with things that belonged to me and my daughters. I had to unpack the suitcase while also preparing for a grad party.
When I pondered what the dream meant, I realized that as my daughters were experiencing milestones, it was triggering memories of what it was like to be their age.Any time we discussed their futures, we only talked about the upside. I gave no hint that young adulthood inevitably includes struggles and dilemmas.
I suppose I didn’t want them to be discouraged, or maybe I hoped they’d magically avoid any pitfalls. But how realistic is that?I decided that if I unpacked my experiences and was honest about what young adulthood really looked like, that damn suitcase would stop haunting me. So I wrote a memoir for them that I privately published and presented to them on Valentine’s Day 2020. When one of them told me it was the best Valentine’s gift she would ever receive, and another asked to share it with her friends, I started thinking about how I might share the wisdom within with other 20-somethings.
Eventually, I landed on a weekly newsletter as the vehicle.
How does your background in marketing and your experiences as a mom influence your newsletter?
I lean on my background in marketing for the fun stuff like branding and logos. Having three daughters in their 20s gives me a ringside seat to all the challenges of young adulthood these days. I have a lot of empathy for 20-somethings. New situations crop up almost every week, and there’s no instruction manual to consult.
I’d like to help if I can.
I am very mindful that whatever I write is read by my daughters and their friends, so I take the responsibility of providing wise counsel very seriously. I also believe it’s essential to give a dash of encouragement and hope. There will be struggles, but they will get through them.
What topics do you find most resonate with your readers?
Some of my most popular posts have dealt with love and relationships. Research shows that the majority of young adults hope to marry and have a family, so there’s a natural curiosity about how that aspect of life works. There’s always a lot of chatter on social media, podcasts, and reality shows about the topic. But I think sometimes they long to get the take of someone older and wiser too.
The other topics that have proved popular are those that deal with subjects that almost nobody talks about, such as how to respond to nosy relatives when your personal and professional life is still a work in progress, and when, why, and how to declare your financial independence from Mom and Dad. It’s relatively easy to google and find career advice or the steps to getting a car loan. It’s harder to find practical wisdom about navigating life or food for thought about the bigger picture of building a life. That’s what I try to provide.
Do you have a favorite post?
I enjoy pulling back the curtain on things that didn’t make sense to me when I was a 20-something that I now better understand. So it was very satisfying to write 5 reasons why wedding planning isn't as much fun as you think it will be.
Sometimes it’s a blast just to tell a fun story like 9 things we got wrong on our first trip to Europe. (I say never miss an opportunity to humiliate yourself by relating a tale about when you were a confused young American who couldn’t find the palace.)
I enjoy illustrating my posts with throwback photos featuring my big 80s hair whenever I can. Things that look like something they’d see on Instagram feel like home to them. Plus, it’s also a chance to lighten the mood with a funny caption.
What do your daughters say about your writing and lessons? Do they help you with any of the topics?
They have been wonderfully supportive, which I don’t take for granted. They’ve been very generous about allowing me to have a window into the challenges they and their friends encounter. That helps inform what I write about.
How do you balance practical advice with humor?
People are way more interested in listening to you when they know you might occasionally say something funny. I also believe that humor is one of the most valuable tools anybody can carry in life’s little toolbox because it’s handy for reducing troublesome things to a manageable size. So humor is my go-to when it comes to imparting life advice, as long as it’s appropriate. I also prefer to deliver wisdom by way of a story whenever I can. Humans are wired to listen to and learn from stories (that’s probably why Jesus ran around telling parables all the time). Few people pine for someone to tell them facts, but most people love a good story.
Please tell us about the “Books of Wisdom” feature.
It has always been important to me that Things Your Mom Should Have Told You include voices other than my own. No single person has all the wisdom you need. And books can be quite beneficial to people in the midst of constructing a life.
Working for a publisher, I know how short a book’s promotional life is. At best, a book gets a few weeks in the sun, so the likelihood of it coming to someone’s attention during that window is slim. And yet I come across so many great books worth being brought to people’s attention. So I keep a list of books worthy of being deemed “Book of the Month.”
And sometimes I select standout books–like Designing Your Life and What Color Is Your Parachute–that I found helpful during my journey. They may have been published years ago, but they still offer sound advice.
Instead of a TL;DR book review, I present snippets from the book in Instagram-like panels to make it easy for readers to sample the content and decide whether a book is a good fit for them.
If you could give one piece of wisdom to readers in their 20s, what would it be?
Your life will always feature a “biggest challenge.” The characters on whatever drama you’re streaming right now aren’t the only ones who will always have some sort of life situation they have to figure out how to navigate as best they can.
Many challenges seem like insurmountable obstacles at first. But chances are that, thanks to some combination of time, circumstances, the people in your life, divine providence, and your own ingenuity and life skills, the challenge will resolve one way or another.
The kicker is that one challenge will be replaced soon enough by another one, because that’s how life works. You have to hang in there and remember that life challenges are a feature, not a bug.
I understand your mom passed last year. How has that changed you, and what have you learned in the past year?
My mom was 83 when she died, and as hard as it was to lose her, one of the things that I try to remember is what a great life my mom had. I wrote all about it in the post What I realized about work while writing my mom’s eulogy.
My mom was always a great role model, and I continue to look to her for guidance on living my life intentionally. I want to make the most of the work that I get to do and the time I get to spend with my friends and family. Reflecting on all the places she and my dad traveled once they were empty nesters also has me thinking about what’s on my bucket list of places to visit while we’re still young and in good health.
Looking to the future, what are your hopes and plans for “Things Your Mom Should Have Told You?”
I’ve spent the past two years focused on getting the content right. If the writing isn’t good, or I’m not doing justice to the premise of telling you all the things your mom (or somebody) should have told you, it’s not worth doing.
Now that I’ve built the thing, and people can take a peek at the archive to see what I’m up to, I’ll be spending more time on spreading the word about this project.
I’d love to make guest appearances on podcasts whose audience might want to know the “Things Your Mom Should Have Told You.”
Finally, what lessons or stories do you still want to tackle?
I’m always adding topics to my list of things I want to share in the interest of sparing 20-somethings some trouble or helping them feel less alone as they navigate building a life.
One subject I’m eager to explore is the classic conundrum of balancing a career and parenthood. I don’t feel like society spoke honestly about the topic 30 years ago when we were thinking about starting a family, and I still don’t know if we’re as candid as we need to be about the subject.
Beyond that, I’m always open to ideas.Drop me a line if there’s something you wish your mom had told you that we should be warning the next generation about. 🙂
Thank you, Joanne, for sharing your story and introducing us to “Things Your Mom Should Have Told You.” I can’t wait to see what’s next!
Contact Joanne: joanne_mchugh@msn.com.
Read: Things Your Mom Should Have Told You
Joanne’s Favorites & Fun Facts:
Favorite way to spend time with your daughters: Mini golf and ice cream
Date night: Seeing a 70s or 80s band in concert. Some of my favorites have included Hall and Oates, Toto, Steely Dan, The Eagles, Def Leppard, and Howard Jones.
Vacation spot: Every few years, we’ve taken the kids to Europe. Last year we went to Italy. I serve as the travel agent so we can tailor the itinerary just to our liking, and my husband is the bus driver (you should have seen the 9-passenger van we got talked into upgrading to at the rental counter in Germany). Hilarity ensues. And then when we return, my daughters collaborate on a vacation video set to a pop song. Italy’s video was set to “Mamma Mia.”
Bucket list destination you want to visit: Australia and New Zealand
A book you could read again and again: Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. If you’re a writer, this is the GOAT book on how to do it.
The best advice your mom ever gave you: I was upset about some sort of minor calamity, and she pointed out something funny about it and said, “Let’s have a laugh.” My mom was an expert at using her sense of humor to make the aggravations and burdens of life more manageable. It’s an excellent habit to adopt.
Go-to shopping tip to save money: Shop at the end of the clothing season and tuck your finds away for the following year.
Comfort food: Buttered popcorn with a bit of parm cheese for good measure
Most cherished family tradition: Whenever I plan a family vacation, I write a tongue-in-cheek account of our plans for each day so that it resembles a description you’d find in a travel brochure. (I’ve dubbed my pretend travel tour company “Fend for Yourself Tours.”) I also create a playlist themed to the trip. Our Mamma Mia tour playlist featured a blend of songs about Italy and songs from Italian-American artists.
Secret hobby or unexpected talent: I can name the title and artist of most 70s and 80s tunes in less than eight notes.
A recent “little life lesson” you wish you’d learned sooner: Recalling all the things I am grateful for–especially the little things–at the end of every day. That way, you don’t overlook all the little gifts you receive during the course of a day. It sounds corny. But when you make it a regular practice, you begin to naturally focus more on the positives in life instead of the negatives.
Thank you, Joanne, for sharing your story and wisdom.
Don’t forget to share this with a friend (who maybe has a daughter needing motherly advice, or needs motherly advice themselves) and be sure to subscribe below if you haven’t already. Subscribing is like joining a special family who’s “in on” the latest in wellness, travel, productivity, and life hacks.
I’ll see you again next week for another edition of What I’d Rather Be Talking About.
Until then, hug 🤗 or toast 🍷 your mom,
Abbey
